IS YOUR MARRIAGE WHERE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE?
ARE YOU SHOCKED AND CONFUSED TO SEE SO MANY MARRIAGES FALLING APART?
We all go through different seasons in all areas of life, including marriage. Seasons of hardships and smooth sailing, of boredom and fun, of confusion and peace, of sadness and joy. It’s how we handle those hard times that will determine the quality of our marriage.
How can we survive, revive and thrive in our marriages through the tough seasons instead of allowing them to damage our relationship?
1. By Being Committed.
Marriage was created by God and is a covenant commitment that we make before God and each other as we join together as one flesh. Marriage, as God intended it, is a beautiful picture of Christ and the Church as one body. As we promise to spend the rest of our lives together, it is essential that we find out how God intended us to fulfil that promise according to the unique roles He has given us and the guidance to daily living He has provided in the Bible. A Christ-centred marriage will bring honor and glory to God.
2. By Putting God First, ahead of yourself and your spouse.
Many people think it is pleasing to God to put their partner on a pedestal and to let them take the place of God in their life, living to please their spouse first, instead of God first. This often sets up a marriage for failure and even abuse. For example, in some cases, a wife may believe she must suffer in silence, and submit to an ungodly husband, in order for her to perform her role and please God. However, God is not honored by us hiding or enabling sin. Putting God first requires us to speak the truth in love and to hold each other accountable to His Word and our promises to each other. Seek God and His help at all times, especially during the hard times. He is the captain of your team and will guide you safely through the trials you may face. Be filled with His Spirit and allow His love to flow through you to each other.
3. By Expecting to Face Challenges.
By recognising that challenges are a natural and expected part of life enables us to be better prepared, equipped and committed to do whatever it takes to live a Holy life within the marriage, united with your spouse, when difficult times come. Accept times of adversity and suffering and see them as opportunities to learn, grow and heal. Facing challenges together and joining forces, can strengthen our relationship.
4. By Having Resources and Support.
Wherever your marriage is at, gather all the resources and support you can as marriage is not a journey to be taken alone. There is strength in community and being part of a group that will support you in tough times and rejoice with you in the good times. Church, as God intended is such a place. Find a married couple you look up to and meet with them for mentoring and accountability. Ask those you trust for books you can read to strengthen your marriage. Seek marriage coaching/counselling for extra support way before you are at a crisis point.
5. By Facing Challenges Together as a Team.
Recognising that you are united as a team, working together to face challenges will enable you to attack the problem instead of each other. Although tempting, and all too common, attacking each other and playing the blame game instead of taking personal responsibility only serves to damage the relationship and there is no winner. Instead, join forces and unite to resolve the problem. If you have not had good role model with this growing up, you may need to seek help to let go of damaging habits and learning new ways of resolving conflict.
6. By Having a Shared Vision.
Being committed, on the same team, and having some common goals and a vision to work towards will provide the strength and motivation to move through the tough times and keep on the path you have chosen that will bring the long term results you want. Having children or a common project, or a planned trip will keep bringing you together to join forces. Over time, many couples forget what brought them together and stop working on things as a team. This is very common as children grow up and leave the home and the couple are no longer joining forces for a common goal. Keep setting new goals, projects and visions.
7. By Being Loving, Patient and Gracious with one another.
Love each other at all times through your words and actions. Support each other. When one is weak, the other can help them up. Be patient when the other stumbles and gracious and forgiving when hurt. A healthy relationship will have mutual love, care and respect, although it is not always reciprocated immediately. In marriage, even when we don’t ‘feel’ loving we are still required to ‘act’ lovingly. These ‘loving acts’ will take on different looks and forms, depending on the circumstances you are facing.
Instead of ‘Dying’, or just ‘Surviving’ in your marriage, apply these 7 steps to ‘Revive and Thrive’ and give your marriage the best possible chance to ‘Blossom’ in order to honor God!
As a personal and relationship coach, I am here to support and guide you each step of the way.
Wendy Ventura
Personal & Relationship Coach,
Family Therapist & Counsellor.
Blossom Coaching & Counselling
wendy@blossoming.com.au
0405 080 071